House's Little Accident
by accioamber
Summary: House has to take care of his illegimate child. H/W!
1. He's All Yours

Disclaimer: No, they's not mine. I just manipulate them into H/W!Sex if I like ittt.

A/N: This story goes out to my boy Jimmy. For being awesomely awesome. [: And props as this is his idea. :D

Househousehouse

Ahh, clinic duty. So many mind numbing patients, so little time. Of course, if these mind numbingly "common cold" type patients would go home and take some aspirin, that would leave him more time to have sex with Wilson in elevators…on call rooms…tightly locked and dark offices…it would just be better for all if House wasn't stuck in the clinic.

But, alas, he was. For two hours, he'd been here, writing out prescriptions for nasal decongestant, but he was closing in on the last five minutes of his shift, which meant he could skip out and find Wilson and play hide and go seek with his sausage.

He grabbed his last chart and limped quickly into Exam Room Two. He saw there was a woman with a baby boy. The idea of how ugly and disgusting children were flitted through House's mind as it always did when he saw a baby, but he just said, "I'm Dr. House. What's wrong with your kid?"

"Besides having your genes, nothing. Although I think that, in itself, is nothing."

The woman, from House's B.G. (before gay) viewpoint, was beautiful. She had long, dark hair, a skinny waist, and great boobs. She basically had everything he looked for in a relationship, except that she didn't think he was amazing. That was a huge personality flaw, and therefore, the relationship was over before it had begun. Besides the fact that he was gay. That was another reason it would never take off the ground. Also, her nostrils were red, meaning she was a crackhead. And he just wasn't into crackheads. Too flaky. Sort of like heroin addicts.

"Not my genes." He said to the woman. He heard stupid shit from patients all the time, and some hot woman potentially accusing him of having a child (especially when he'd never seen her before) wasn't going to rattle him. "Which one of you is sick?" He'd looked in the chart by now, and there was nothing in there, not surprisingly.

"Neither. I've just come to give you this." She stood up, her long legs just adding to her package, House noticed, and thrust the baby, who started crying and stinking, at him. "I don't want him anymore. Do you know how hard it is to come down off of a high when you've got this screaming in your ear? Not easy, I'll tell you. Just take him."

House narrowed his eyebrows. "Why should I take care of your responsibilities? I didn't get knocked up."

She rolled her eyes. "You obviously have a horrible memory, or too many hookers bouncing around your apartment all the time to remember any of them. My name is Anna, and I was one of your "visitors" a year and a half ago. Nine months after I had sex with you, I popped this little asshole out, and there you go. But he's yours, and I want nothing to do with him anymore. Don't worry, I may be a crackhead, but he's not a crack baby. I started right around the time he was born." She shrugged her shoulders.

House's jaw had dropped, but he managed to maintain his cool. He took a grasp at one last straw. "You're a hooker. You probably slept with dozens of people a week, and I was only one of them." He did remember her now. She'd been…one of the best, to tell the truth, the best before Wilson. So at least he knew he had had sex with her.

"You were the last one I had sex with before I got pregnant, and a couple days before I'd stopped taking the pill. Look, I don't care if you don't believe me. He's yours. Do a paternity test. In fact, I don't even care if you keep him, just as long as you don't kill him. That's mean, even by my standards." She laid the boy gently in House's arms, and said, "His name is Zachary Joseph, and he has no last name." She handed him a birth certificate and left a speechless House behind in the exam room.

He stared down at the baby, and for the first time, he noticed that he had House's eyes. Zachary had stopped crying, and was just whimpering a little bit, but he yawned. House laid him in the car seat she'd left behind, surprised Mommy Dearest hadn't just dragged the thing around in a cardboard box.

He held the car seat at arms length and disappeared into the elevator, hoping no one had seen him, and then went into Wilson's office, setting the seat on a chair. "Apparently that's mine." He jerked a thumb at the baby and shrugged. "Personally, I think the crack whore was full of crap, but who knows. Wanna have sex? He won't tell anybody."

Househousehouse

A/N: I think Jimmy will write the next chapter [:


	2. I Don't Want Him

Wilson looked from House to the baby and back to House. "It's...yours? You're...gay...ALSO, you're with ME!" Wilson moved around his desk and peered into the car seat at little Zachary. "Well he has your eyes. What the fuck, House?!"

House sighed and walked over to Wilson and the supposed bundle of joy. "Relax. It was before we were together. That thing has to be at least one." He put his hand on the small of the other man's back and leaned in and nibbled on his ear. "Come on. I've been waiting for you for hours."

Wilson shrugged House off and stared down at the baby. "What are you going to do with it?" House shrugged and tried his advances on Wilson once more. "Worry about it later. Right now you gotta take care of this baby." He pushed his hips forward, rubbing his crotch up against Wilson's hip.

Wilson turned towards House and smiled. "You seriously expect me to fool around with you when you have..." He waved his hand towards the car seat "...that to deal with?" House smiled back and grabbed Wilson's hand "Yes. Yes I do. I know you can resist me, James." He dropped his hand and went to kiss the other man's neck and loosen the tie that hung around his neck.

Wilson moaned softly and let his arms slip around House's waist. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, giving his partner an ample amount of flesh to lick and kiss. James lost himself for a moment as Greg's stubble scraped roughly against his soft skin, then baby Zachary made the smallest of baby noises and he was jerked back to the present.

"House," he pushed his horny coworker away, "We need to handles this." House reluctantly looked down at his "son" and scowled. "I don't want it," he said as he limped to the window and stared blankly out it. "I'd just screw it up. Take it to an orphanage or something. I don't care."

"At least come with me to bring him to get checked out by pediatrics," Wilson said as he tried to compromise with his stubborn partner. House turned around and sighed. "Fine, I'll go with you...but this DOESNT mean I'm keeping it. Wilson groaned and gently took the baby from the car seat and looked at him. He was very cute, had House's eyes. Wilson was already feeling attached to him, and it was hard to believe even House wasn't feeling anytihng. "It's a baby, not a dog. Don't you feel anything?" He asked as he gently rubbed the newborn's belly.

House watched Wilson with the baby and for a moment thought of what it would be like to raise a child with him, but he immediately came to his senses. "No. Not really. It's a hooker's kid. It's probably not even mine." He walked past Wilson and the child the was supposidly his son and pulled open the door. "Can we get thris over with, please?" he said grumpily.

Wilson looked down at the baby and whispered quietly, "Your daddy will come around, you'll see." He walked down the hallway and got into the elevator with House, "He'll need...a paternity test, and a regular physical/checkup. Probably should do blood work and rule out any infections...if he's a hooker's baby, you never know what he might've picked up. What do you think about a neurological workup?"

House stepped into the elevator and punched the button with his cane. "I don't care. Do whatever you want to the little annoyance." Wilson glared at him. "No. He's not my 'little annoyance'. He's yours. You tell me what you want to do." House rolled his eyes and cursed at the elevator for not going faster. "I never said he was was yours. Just do whatever. Make sure he's not going to die or something." Wilson glared at House, "Well, if all you care about is that he doesn't die, you might as well go back to your office. I'll let you know if he dies."

House smiled and held his cane in front of the door so it wouldn't close. "Fine. I will." He pulled his cane back as soon as Wilson and the brat cleared the door "...but I'll be in your office." He smiled and waved deviously.

Wilson shook his head. He'd been entirely serious about House leaving. As soon as he was gone, he said to little Ary, "Your daddy will come around...he really is a good guy." Wilson kept reminding himself of that whenever House astounded him. He got off on the Peds ward and brought him into an exam room.

House made his way back to Wilson's office and slumped down into Wilson's chair and spun around a few times. Then looked up and stared at the ceiling for awhile. After about 1o minutes he decided to look up some porn on Wilson's computer

Wilson took some of the baby's blood in a vial, trying to soothe his cries as he did it. He sent it to the lab and had it checked for all likely infections. Then he slowly moved all his limbs and made sure everything was ok. He looked up his nose, in his eyes and ears, and then checked his body to see if there were bruises anywhere on his body, there weren't. Everything seemed fine, and he figured it would be ok to do a neurological exam later on. So he went back downstairs andwent into his office, holding Zach lovingly. "What are you doing...?" he asked House

House had been watching the website lazily. He looked up when he heard Wilson come in with the baby. "So is he a crack baby?"

"No, he seems perfectly normal. All signs are normal, blood will come back by tomorrow at the latest and i'll make a neurology appointment soon."

House stood up and walked around the desk, "Okay good. Now you can take him to the orphanage." He stood up and made his way to the balcony door. "Seriously James. I don't want him." He pushed the door open and limped across the balcony and hopped the wall to the door to his office.


	3. How Will This Work?

Wilson angrily stormed outside, "What the hell? He's your son! How can you just toss him out like this? His mother has a lot of issues, but you have no excuse!"

"I have no excuses? Wilson, are you fucking stupid?!?" He slammed open then turned around towwards Wilson who was really starting to tick him off. "Seriously. I don't even know why you stuck around for so long. I would make a horrible father! The kid is better off."

"No, he's not!" Wilson yelled, "You've obviously never heard of the foster care system in this country...he'll end up abused, neglected...or even worse, he could die! You would be a good dad. If you can make a relationship work with me...you can make everything ok with Zachary." He said, then tried smiling a bit at him.

House snorted, almost a laugh, "You have a thing for bad relationships. I lucked out. The kid doesn't need me. Give it to Cameron. She'd love it!" He stormed angrily into his office and slumped into his chair

Wilson didn't know what to do, "Look...if you don't at least try him out, for a week or two, then...I think we're over." He didn't want to say it, but he felt it necessary for one reason or another. "I don't know if I can be with someone who wont at least give their baby a chance."

House looked at Wilson wide eyed and angrily, "It's not my fault that he's here. I wore a stupid condom." He sighed and looked away. Wilson was the only thing he had that was good in his life. "You would really leave me?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Wilson bit his lip and rocked the baby gently. "I just...I had always thought you had more empathy for people than this," he said quietly.

"James..." House walked back onto the balcony "...fine. We'll try it," he said in a defeated tone. WIlson looked up at him. "Really? You'll go for it?" He smiled and House nodded. It was only because he refused to lose Wilson and he figured he could just make him do all the work.

"Thank you. It shows me a lot, that you're willing to at least try." he smiled widely and held the baby out to him. "Here, hold him." House tried to smile back but it felt like he failed hard. "Um..." he said and akwardly held his arms out and took the baby into his arms. He looked down at the little ball of stress and frowned a bit. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel and wondered if he ever would.

Wilson smiled. "Talk to him," he urged, "Interact with him." He loved the picture of House holding this baby, it made him feel happy. House furrowed his brow and looked at the baby then looked up at Wilson and rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day "That is stupid. He can't even understand me."

"He can too, to an extent. He likes just hearing your voice." He argued "Or tickle him like this." He tickled the babys belly and watched his tiny lips curl into a smile.

House looked back down at the baby and thought of what to say "I...I'm your dad...well, your other dad. You already met the first one. He's the one that will be changing your diapers..."

Wilson laughed and look down and spoke to Zach, "Yeah, I'm your other dad, and sure I'll probably be changing your diapers...and probably later on cooking your food." He was sure already they would end up keeping it. "You can't tell...but we love each other a lot...and you, too, already." House frowned and glared at Wilson. "You can't tell that I love you?" Wilson ducked his head for a second and said, "Sometimes it's hard."

House walked back into his office cause he just realized that it was kinda cold outside and as much as he didn't know about babies he figured that coldness wasn't such a good thing. "Wilson...we don't have any baby stuff."

Wilson thought for a moment, it hadn't actually crossed his mind of how unprepared they were. "Umm...I guess we'll have to pick some up. If his mom just brought him in this," he said, gesturing at the onesie he had on, "He'll be ok until we get him some more."

House scowled "It's cold outside, Wilson. He needs more than a tshirt. Give him your sweater vest." he reached out and tugged up the other man's shirt. Wilson pulled away, "Excuse me." He his tugged shirt back down. "You're just a horny bastard."

"Come on. You're wearing a shirt under it. Do you want our son to freeze?!" He sighed exasperatedly and put the baby back into Wilson's arms then turned around and went back inside. He kneaded his fists into his eyes. What the hell was he doing? If he wanted a son he would have had one by now. He was way too old for this. He silently cursed Wilson for all of this.

Wilson rolled his eyes and then he felt bad for putting so much pressure on House;for saying he would leave him. He wasn't quite sure if he would or wouldnt, but he knew he was already caring for this baby. He moved over to House and gently leaned against him. "Hey. I love you."

House sighed, "Yeah, I know you do." He walked across the across his office and slumped onto the chair. "James...I can't do this." Wilson laid the baby in the car seat and buckled it in, hoping he wouldn't fall out. Then he went over and sat next to House in the other chair. "Yes you can...I'm here for you, you know that." House crossed his arms and stared up at the ceiling. "But you can't make me a better father. It's just...that's just how it is."

"Maybe Zach can make you a better father." He said, scootching the chair over so it was closer to Greg's. He gently kissed him, hoping to do anything that would make it better.

House closed his eyes and kissed Wilson back slowly then pulled back as he made a realization "Wait...Wilson!" He got up excitedly. "We don't even know if he's really mine!" Wilson smiled a little. "I love that you interupt that with this piece of information." he paused then continued softly "Look at him...he looks like you."

House huffed and looked down at the baby, "Lots of people have blue eyes, James."

"Most people don't have your eyes, your nose, and your cheekbones." He said. Then he sighed. "Do you wanna go and see if the results of the paternity test are in?"

House smirked, "No," he slipped his arms around Wilson's waist "I'd rather fool around in your office." Wilson automatically pressed himself closer to him, and said, "Good, because I'd rather do that too." Then he looked at the baby. "Umm...what about him?" House tightened his hold on Wilson and sighed. "You know this is how it's going to be from now on. Do you really want to give up sex?"

"Well, he won't be in the room everytime." Wilson said, "But...he's only, what, 6 months old? He can deal." He snuggled into Greg and kissed him again.

House tried to move towards the door so he could lead the both of them into Wilson's office while leaving the baby there. Wilson murmured, "We can;t just leave him here..."

"He'll be fine. The hooker probably left him alone all the time." he pressed his lips against Wilson's, hoping to shut him up. Wilson was caught up in the kiss, but he couldn't just let the baby stay there. He unhooked himself from the other man, grabbed the baby and went into his office, and waited for House to catch up

House grumbled and followed Wilson and the baby next door. He closed the door behind him and sat at Wilson's desk. "Put him in the corner or something. He won't know." Wilson set the carrier on a comfortable chair and then said, "Where were we?" and went up to House, letting him put his arms around him. He loved when House held him, he felt safe.

House loosened Wilson's tie and and pulled his collar back so he could kiss his neck with ease. Wilson blushed a little, but let him keep going and then he ran his hands down to his hips and gripped them gently. House started kissing Wilson's neck slowly and his hands wandered to untuck his shirt.

Wilson shot a glance over at the baby and tried to shove his mind away from it. He kept kissing House all over, but his mind wouldn't back away from Zachary.

House pulled back and looked down "Stop thinking, James" "I'm not." He muttered, trying to hide it. "I'm into this." He kept kissing him, groping him, trying to convince House that he was there, but he saw through him.

He grabbed Wilson's arms and pushed him back. "No you're not." "Yes, I am!" He said loudly, glaring at him a bit. "Stop it." He tried to move closer. House growled and let him go "Fine," he snapped and pressed his whole body into a heavy, heated kiss. Wilson let himself get into it, and started to undress House, but suddenly he pulled back "Doesn't it bother you, he's here?" he asked breathlessly.

"I KNEW you were thinking about it. This is why you should listen to me sometimes, you know." He kissed him softly on the cheek "It doesn't bother me because it's not that big of a deal. I'd rather he not be here, but...you're just too sexy" James smiled, "You're sexy too, but...can we wait until we get home tonight? It just feels wrong."

House frowned a bit and sighed. "I really hope it's not mine." he said and stood up and tried to straighten out his rumpled clothes.

"Let's go check." Wilson said, giving him his puppy face. "Pleeeeeeease?" House jutted his head towards the door, gesturing for Wilson to get a move on. "Are you coming with me?"

"Yeah, fine. Looking at blood tests is soo much better than jacking off in here."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "I'll go by myself then. You wanna watch Junior or should I bring him with me?" House pushed the car seat into Wilson's hands and pushed the both of them out the door and then followed closely behind. "I said I would come."

"You don't have to, I know you already detest this kid." Wilson held the car seat close to him, secretly glad House was going. "I don't detest him. He's just keeping me from getting off and you know how much I hate that." He pouted like a five year old and punched the elevator button a little harder than necessary. Wilson just rolled his eyes and laughed.

They took yet another trip down to Peds, when they exited the elevator they made their way to the office where Wilson requested the results for one House, Zachary's blood, and looked them over. "That's it...he's yours." He grinned

House snatched the papers out of Wilson's hands, crumpling them a bit. He scanned the results and stared in disbelief. The brat was his. He didn't want this. He didn't want a kid. He was barely letting Wilson into his life. He was happy with how things were. "Wilson...we need to talk. Right. Now!" He grabbed the man by his arm and dragged him into an empty exam room. "I can NOT do this!"

"Calm down..." Wilson said. He'd been caught offguard, unaware that House would react like this. "It's gonna be ok. We can do this. I'm gonna be here, so will Cuddy and everyone else once they find out. Deep breath." He looked down at the baby, sound asleep, and thought, poor kid's only 6 months old and neither parent wants him.


End file.
